Monday, January 12, 2015

Finally slowing down to a jog

Faithie,
I have been running from admitting you died.  I even avoid saying you died.  The words I say are usually, "Faithie's home.  Faithie is in Heaven.  My Baby Girl left us.  She passed."  To say you are dead sounds so cold and causes my breath to slip away when I try to say it. 
 
So since you're homecoming two months ago, I've taken this family everywhere.  It's easier to keep living in denial that way that you aren't here.   After you left I'd take us to Mema and Papa's house, Ms Tish's house, my grandparents, Chicago, day trips to anywhere; anything to keep me from home.
 
When I am at home, Faithie, I change.  The thought of you not walking through those doors crushes me.  Your voice is missing, your touch is gone, your messes aren't here, and most of all your kisses are being given to the One who adores you.  I go into your room every now and then, or stare at your door from my bedroom just willing you to come out.  That is all in vain though because you're singing, dancing, playing, and worshipping the One who loves you a bit more than me.
 
Daddy's birthday is tomorrow.  I planned a surprise for Daddy's birthday.  It was a day trip to Orlando, FL.  The plane tickets were ordered, a yucky motel, a rental car, and one day tickets to Universal Studios.
 
We left Saturday night at 7:00 pm and arrived in Florida at midnight. The boys were so scared at first in the plane. Elijah kept saying, "Oh my! Oh my!  I don't wanna do this now!!" and Trever gripped my arm the first few minutes the plane starting going up in the air. Once up they both smiled and said, "that was cool"
 
We found our rental car and hotel and went to sleep because the next day were going to Universal Island of Adventure.  We had fun.  But I wish you were there.  I cried as we waited in line for the ride in the picture below.  You had such a thrill seeking heart for adventure and would have loved every single ride we went on.  The boys aren't adventurous like that. 
 

While there Elijah met his favorite super hero: Captain America.  He was pretty cool, Sis. He talked to every person that came to take a picture with him.  Captain let your brother hold the shield. Elijah was thrilled and said it was really heavy.
 
We are a physical family of four, but a forever family of five.  We even called ourselves the Fantastic Five and will always do so.  So even though you're not in this picture your in all four of our hearts.

I think this ride was more freaky than the Harry Potter one but your brothers thought it was AWESOME!!!  In my heart you'd have asked to go on it over and over and over again.  This was our last ride.
 
It sprinkled a bit during the day and I thought of you.  You loved rain and it was a warm one.  Baby Girl you're amazing!!!  I will  think of you often.
 
After we left we went to the airport to catch a ride home.  Yes dear we did this all in 24 hours. It was fun and won't be done again anytime soon.
 
Here's something new that I do since you went to Jesus.  My faith is so important to me now that I don't shy away from talking about Jesus.  If a chance comes up, then I allow God to talk through me.  He's amazing but I know you know that now first hand.

Well on the plane ride home I talked to a Mr. Jason for two hours.  I was able to share with him about you and how much I loved you. He was a bit tipsy and loved to talk.  I loved talking with him.  He'd talk, I listened and I talk and he'd listen. Mr. Jason told me a few times he's not a religious person but thinks some people need it.  He told me that some religious people just don't seem real.
 
I told Mr. Jason it wasn't a religion to me, yes if asked I am a Christian but it is more than that.  It is a relationship.  It's a love thing. I told him about your AWANA book and where I discovered a drawing you did. (To my readers I'll write about the picture later) It was about God and you.  I said, "I'm sad and mad but I know I'll see her again because we both love Jesus."
 
When he told me for like the fourth time he's not religious but some people need it, I said, "not some but all.  It's a relationship and everyone can have it."
  
Faithie if you hear me down hear can you ask God to send someone to water the seed planted yesterday with Mr. Jason?  He's married to a Ms Melissa and has an Emmie who is 5 and a Lilly who is 14 months old.  Before he left the plane I told him, "don't go to the bar tonight like you want to but go home and hug all three of your girls."
 
I hope he did that. 
 
Well Baby I shall sign off. 
 
I love you ALWAYS and FOREVER,
 
Love,
Momma

1 comment:

  1. Heather your my hero! Keep sharing Jesus! You are amazing! What a trip too!

    ReplyDelete

The Beginning of a girl named Faith

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon when Jamie decided it was time to try for second child. Our little boy was napping in his room.  The day was...