Hey Baby Girl,
Yesterday was really hard for me. After some stuff I felt I needed to tell everyone how I felt and that I am not really ok even though people may think I am. I really miss you.
Love,
Momma
Friends and Family,
When your heart reaches a new kind of broken there are no real words to describe how much it hurts to breathe. It's a broken like no other. You pretend to move forward but acknowledge to some that you don't want to because that means accepting the loss.
I may have given people a false sense that I am fine because of all we have done since Faithie went to be with our Lord. What people don't realize is some of these things:...
1.) I don't day dream anymore or read a book (used to all the time)
2.) I only listen to music when my family is in the car but not by myself (always needed music)
3.) I don't enjoy singing anymore (even in church)
4.) TV no longer is my place of enjoyment (even my favorite shows hold nothing on me)
5.) trivial things annoy me more than every
6.) I cannot keep up on my house (doing worse than I did before)
7.) If I cry Elijah panics (making crying hard to do but I still do it and then have to reassure him it's going to be okay someday)
8.) I don't like to let Jamie be far away (I am normally an independent type of person but panic if he is far away now)
9.) I wish more than anything I was in Heaven instead of here but please know I'd never do anything to make that homecoming quicker. I'm waiting on God to take me.
10.) I am taking trips to try and avoid as much as possible that my daughter is gone. I may look happy but if you really know me and see me you'll know that pictures can lie. My heart is in two places and therefore I cannot truly get out of my funk. I want her here more than anything but know that we need to move forward. I am just avoiding and will do so until my therapist says I need to stop doing so.
11.) I am broken and will never, ever be the same.
Yesterday was really hard for me. After some stuff I felt I needed to tell everyone how I felt and that I am not really ok even though people may think I am. I really miss you.
Love,
Momma
Friends and Family,
When your heart reaches a new kind of broken there are no real words to describe how much it hurts to breathe. It's a broken like no other. You pretend to move forward but acknowledge to some that you don't want to because that means accepting the loss.
I may have given people a false sense that I am fine because of all we have done since Faithie went to be with our Lord. What people don't realize is some of these things:...
1.) I don't day dream anymore or read a book (used to all the time)
2.) I only listen to music when my family is in the car but not by myself (always needed music)
3.) I don't enjoy singing anymore (even in church)
4.) TV no longer is my place of enjoyment (even my favorite shows hold nothing on me)
5.) trivial things annoy me more than every
6.) I cannot keep up on my house (doing worse than I did before)
7.) If I cry Elijah panics (making crying hard to do but I still do it and then have to reassure him it's going to be okay someday)
8.) I don't like to let Jamie be far away (I am normally an independent type of person but panic if he is far away now)
9.) I wish more than anything I was in Heaven instead of here but please know I'd never do anything to make that homecoming quicker. I'm waiting on God to take me.
10.) I am taking trips to try and avoid as much as possible that my daughter is gone. I may look happy but if you really know me and see me you'll know that pictures can lie. My heart is in two places and therefore I cannot truly get out of my funk. I want her here more than anything but know that we need to move forward. I am just avoiding and will do so until my therapist says I need to stop doing so.
11.) I am broken and will never, ever be the same.
I am going to leave Facebook for a while. If you want to get a hold of me just email me at hmhall00@gmail.com or call me if you know my number. I may not answer right away because I have temporarily misplaced my phone. My memory is shot along with other things.
I wish I could go back into time and freeze it. I'd never let go of my daughter or my boys the night before.
Retreating is the only thing I know to do right now. I'm not trying to be a selfish person. I just don't know how to do this grieving thing and it hasn't been two months yet. So forgive me if you think I am and pray for me because I fight depression every day and haven't succumbed yet.
Love you all,
Heather
I wish I could go back into time and freeze it. I'd never let go of my daughter or my boys the night before.
Retreating is the only thing I know to do right now. I'm not trying to be a selfish person. I just don't know how to do this grieving thing and it hasn't been two months yet. So forgive me if you think I am and pray for me because I fight depression every day and haven't succumbed yet.
Love you all,
Heather
Praying every day for you! You are never far from our thoughts.
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