Your Brothers

Hi Faithie!  I'm missing you severely as always.  Tonight I would like to talk to you about your brothers. They each miss you in their own way and they talk or express it in different ways.

 I've taken them to visit you at your body's resting place twice this past February.  I feel like it's a quiet place where we can talk to you and just still have a piece of you here.  The last time we went Elijah and I picked out some fake flowers and a green bottle to put on the site.  He picked out all our favorite colors and gold rocks because that is the color that represents Jesus, according to him.

 

Trever and you weren't the best of friends but nobody could mess with each other when the other was around.  I had prayed for years that God would repair your relationship and that you two would grow closer.  It was my hope that when you were adults you would be great friends.

 

My sweet girl your autism was so much more obvious than your brothers and many a times he was set aside so we could help you.  You had a love of music and he hated it.  I know it was related to you.  It breaks my heart sometimes that we missed it with Trever.  It wasn't as clear. 

 

Yet we explained autism to Trever from the beginning.  I remember clearly when you went to school on the 11th of April 2007 that we told Trever you were going to school to help learn how to talk to us.  After school we went out to eat and Trever looked at you and asked, "Can you talk to me now Sissy?"  It was both so sweet and bittersweet.

 

  Trever was also the first one to explain to others what was going on with you when you were having a communication issue.  One time, I think he was about 8, he told someone who was frustrated with you having a meltdown, "It's okay. She has autism. She'll be okay soon."  You two had your fighting moments but you had  your loving moments too.

 Trever hasn't said much about you being gone, my Lady.  He has been angry at the driver of the other car.  For about a month he'd say to me or dad, "Why didn't he just wait? Why didn't he?"  He doesn't cry much but I think that has always been a part of who he is.

 

What Trever does do shows me that he misses you but keeps it to himself.  I think to protect his momma from crying, even though I tell your brothers it's okay to cry, scream, be mad, be happy, be whatever you need to be. 

 

Trever goes into your room when nobody is playing in it.  There are many times I have seen him playing with his wrestlers in there.  At first I didn't know that he went into there but one day I noticed the bed was messy.  I asked who messed up the room and he told me that he often goes in there to have quiet time.

 

In the picture above he is playing on his Kindle.  I also gave Trever your heavy, weighted blanket about three weeks ago.  He has about four blankets on him.  I figured he needed the weighted one to help calm his mind down and sleep.  It worked perfectly.  Since that night, he has kept it on his bed for both being close to you and for the sensory weighted pressure.  He doesn't mind the purple and yellow yet.  One day I may cover it with Oregon colors but it'll still be yours underneath.

Elijah I know misses you Faithie.  He doesn't tell me in his own words but his Sock Monkey tells me. Your brother loved you very much.  He always considered himself your "big" brother when it came to protecting you.  I remember when he told that to Trever about 3 years ago.  He was concerned for you because someone was picking on you at our old church.  It made him mad when people would pick on you. I loved how protective he was of you. 

 

The night you passed and he came into the hospital room his eyes were brimming with tears.  He looked at me as he touched your arm and said, "Who do I protect now?'  It broke my heart it did.  I also learned from someone that he protected the casket you were in.  He didn't do it the whole night of the visitation but every now and then when people would come up to it he'd go over to it and put his hand on it.  He loved you so much Faithie.

 

 
 

Elijah has been going to Play Therapy every other Monday.  He loves to go and play games with Ms. Amber.  A few weeks ago as I was laying down with him, Socky, started talking to me.  It was the first time your brother opened up since your Heaven homecoming.  I took the opportunity through Socky to talk about you.

 

This was our conversation:

Socky: I miss Faithie.

Me: Oh you do? What do you miss Socky?

Socky: I miss her running with me and yelling to Elijah he can't catch her.

Me: I miss her too.

Socky: She wasn't mean to me like Trever who wrestles me too much.

Conversation over but oh so precious Elijah let me in finally.

 

A different conversation after praying.  I also wasn't feeling great and I was going to go to Run Camp in the snow blizzard the next day.

 

Elijah: Momma Socky wanted to interrupt you while you were praying but thought he'd get into trouble.

Me: It's okay Socky, what did you want to say.

Elijah: Socky wanted you to pray, that you don't die and that you don't get sick.

Me: Ok we can do that.

 

I've also have had your brother take Socky to therapy now.  He's only gone once and Ms. Amber said Socky was wonderful to have and asked Socky personally if he would come again.

 

Daddy and I are a bit worried about Elijah.  He is depressed I think but I am not 100%.  He doesn't want to do cello anymore, go to school (and he used to love both), doesn't really like going places except the library and a store where he can buy something.  Your brother will occasionally go play at his friends house across the street.

 

He rides with me wherever we go and will not sleep over anywhere now, even Mema and Papa's.  Before your leaving he was okay with Mema and Papa but no where else.  I know that after Daddy's heart surgery in 2013 that his fear came from there.  Elijah is okay with Mema and Papa coming here and Daddy and Momma going away for the night. That is it. 

 

So you see Baby Girl, we are a little worried about him.  I hope one day he'll feel safe and secure again.

 

So my Lady that is how your brothers are doing.  They love and miss you and express it differently.

 

We all love you ALWAYS and FOREVER,

Love,

Momma