Hi my Baby Girl. I dreamed about you last night. Sometimes Faithie my dreams are perfect and sometimes they make me wake up missing you deeply.
The dream I had last night made me miss you. The dream closely represented the movie, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." You never saw the movie but I did years and years ago. I'll be honest I thought the movie was boring and dull and I really didn't care for it. It is about a man who was born 80 and aged backwards and died as a baby.
In my dream last night you were 10 and aged backwards until you disappeared as a baby. It made me wake up with a broken heart and high anxiety today. I miss you so much Baby. My dreams are so visual and it's like I am really there, holding you and talking to you and kissing you and loving on you. Faithie, my Love, I am always going to miss you.
I choose to make today a good day even though I woke up heavy hearted and sad. My mom's side of the family has "Family Sunday Dinner". This dinners used to be at my sweet grandma's when I was a little girl and they were every Sunday. I loved Sunday Dinners. They were a way to get away from my abusive childhood household. My grandpa is my hero and I adored my grandma. They loved all their grandchildren deeply.
My dear grandma now is losing her memory due to the Memory Sucking, I hate it so much, disease called Alzheimer's. So over the last 10 years Sunday dinners have rotated between my two aunts and my mom. So today we are taking the family to my Aunt Amy's for dinner. I love these dinners and looked forward to them whenever we are home. I hope when my kids are grown we are still close enough to do these dinners.
So my Faithie, Friday was an extremely emotional for me today. In fact I was ready for bed by 7:30. I did stay up a bit longer to watch NCAA basketball with Daddy until 9:30. Over the last 15 years we have done the brackets together. It's been a fun competition between us. The cool thing is last year we did all five of us. I am so glad that you were able to participate one year with us.
Even though my day was emotional, I did have have two highlights!!
My first highlight was going to your classroom as a mystery reader. Elijah went with me and we read your favorite book, "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed." Your brother, Elijah, acted out the Monkeys and the Dr part. It was adorable and there were a few cute kiddos, your classmates, who started being the monkeys too!! loved it, and Elijah wants to go again and be a "Mystery Reader".
After the Mystery Reader, I had a doctor appointment. There I found out that I am a Type 2 Diabetic and have severe Vitamin D deficiency. I have put off for 9+ months getting blood work done. I think I've known for that long what it was going to tell me.
My doctor put me on a medicine that causes icky side affects. I am PISSED OFF about it. So Faithie I am going to get my health back on track. There is no reason for me wasting away my health. It going to take my heart and brain to catch up to each other but I'm going to.
So after the doctor appointment another love of our was pulled over at the exact spot you died. It literally crushed me and caused me to cry ALL DAY LONG. She was given a ticket. The city of Portage is doing a speed study there to see if speeds cause accidents there. The article down below came out on December 17th. It's just a snippet of it but it crushes me to know your death is the reason for a speed study. I hate it. And so I cried because your gone.
PORTAGE, MI – A Nov. 7 fatality has sparked the city to take a closer look at the Lakeview Drive-Portage Road intersection and potential changes in speed and lanes on parts of Portage Road.
Faith Hall, 10, of Vicksburg, died in the two-car crash at the intersection, prompting the city of Portage to examine the Lakeview-Portage Road junction to see what changes might be needed to make it safer.
Later in the day I went to go pick up my prescriptions and barely made it out of there before the tears flowed down my eyes. I cried so hard about you being gone that I couldn't breath. Once I arrived home I stayed in the car and cried. This actually lead the highlight of my evening though.
Trever was coming home from a friends to put a jacket on and he saw me in the car. He opened the door and asked if I was okay. I looked at him with tears flowed down my eyes and asked if he wanted to do dinner together, just the two of us. I haven't spent alone time with him in a while. So we went to Game Stop and he went to Sally's Beauty store with me and we tried a new place to eat: East Coast Subs. It was yummy. I'm so thankful for Trever. We had good conversations.
I am truly blessed with good boys. Now they do have their moments of bratty behavior and disrespectfulness but they sure do love me.
One more thing Baby I have been doing better emotionally. I just still have days though where it's tough.
I love you ALWAYS and FOREVER,
Love,
Momma
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