Fights Happen

Oh Baby I sobbed yesterday so hard, so hard. 

 

Since you have passed away Daddy and I have pretty much gotten along.  We don't play blame games, we don't really yell at each other, we just plain don't fight.  I don't know what is normal but I imagine some couples fight a lot after a death of their child. 

 

Well this week it happened and took two separate days for it to explode. We used words and actions that were hurtful. I won't share with you who said what but I will share with you what I think ended our fight.

 

One of the actions that I did was throw my cards that were from my wallet at Daddy.  I also did something I've never done before but I punched the wall three times.  I thought they were hard punches but to be honest they probably felt like a bee to the wall.

 

After I did that I left with Katie and her girls to go shopping and out to lunch. Daddy and I needed space from each. You know Faithie we have gone just about 5 months without fighting so I think fight was just due.

 On a side note: Last February I prayed to God to help me no longer be the "naggy wife" and to take deep breaths when we fight and walk away without words.  In fact this verse hit me to the core around February last year:

Proverbs 21:9 (NIV)

⁹ Better to live on a corner of the roof
    than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

I've taken this verse to my heart and have applied it to our marriage since. It hasn't been easy though and on Saturday we both just lost it.

 

The action that stopped our fight was me throwing my cards but it wasn't until I came home from shopping that it happened.  When I came home I started cleaning our bedroom.  Daddy was laying down and I was giving him the ever popular "Silent Treatment."

 

As I was finishing up, I came across the broken library card pictured above.  My eyes  immediately filled with heavy tears and they flowed down my face.  I handed it to Daddy and said everything I was keeping inside. 

That card wasn't broken before I left and I thought Daddy broke it because he was angry that I threw them at him.   Quietly I said, "Of all the cards I threw you picked the wrong one to break." My heart was heavy because I was also to blame for it breaking.  If I hadn't thrown them it would have been safely in my wallet.  I believe Daddy's heart felt sad for me.  He told me quietly back that he didn't break it that the littlest did on accident.  In a strange way that ended our fighting.  We were both done emotionally and shared our thoughts in a calm manner after that.  When done Daddy forced me to hug him.  I didn't want to at first but afterwards I held him tightly back so thankful I have your Daddy here to fight with and to love.

Our fight was done.

 

I just hate that I lost your library card is broken. It's a symbol to me that you aren't here any more and that there is no reason to replace it. I'll keep the broken pieces though in my wallet to have you close to me. 

My Grandpa calls crying "Sweating" and I shall say my beautiful girl my eyes "sweated" a lot yesterday.

 

Oh Baby Girl: Fights happen and things get broken like library cards and hearts.  I'm so glad for that Bible verse though because it keeps me steady and has really helped our marriage.  And my sweet girl with God leading us our marriage will survive this and the upcoming heart surgery and whatever else comes our way.  It's a struggle but I love your Daddy too much and he loves me too.
 

I miss you my Lady, more and more everyday.

I love you ALWAYS and FOREVER,

Love,

Momma