Oh me Oh my Oh Court again

Hi Baby Girl!  I'm missing you as always.  The picture above is the place you took your last breath.  Every time I drive by I cannot help but look at the fire hydrant and the road where "the Kid" pulled out from. I've also noticed others when I am driving with them that they look too.  It's like an unseen force that automatically pulls our heads in that direction.  Sometimes I hold my breath when we drive by. I don't know why it's just something I do.

On Friday we went to court again to see what "the Kid" and his defense attorney were going to do. The night before I couldn't sleep and when I woke up I was in knots.  Faithie I have been struggling for weeks with anger towards "the Kid" and with how forgiveness should look like from me.

I am discovering that forgiveness looks different and is different for everyone.  The night that you left the Earth and went to your Heavenly home, Daddy and I, without discussing it just decided to forgive "The Kid".  We knew right away that it was just an accident and that there was no alchol, drugs, or texting involved.

So my Lady, we forgave "the Kid" that night but have since then struggled with what that looks like.  We never wanted him to go to jail and in the beginning we just wanted there to be no case.  The justice system is going to do what it needs to or wants to and therefore they went ahead with arraigning "the Kid." I'll be honest Faithie I am not sure what the entire charge is but I do know it has "accidental wrongful death" in it.

We've been to court three times now and I knew when we left for it the third time it was going to go to trial.  Like I said, I've been struggling with my anger towards him.  I have wanted him charged and thrown in jail, have to have no license forever and I've wanted to just punch him in the face.  I find nothing wrong with any of these because if he had waited you'd be here and I wouldn't be struggling with anger.

In the morning I knew that I was done with this anger.  I asked my friends to pray for me and that I'd feel peace about whatever the outcome was.  Before we left for court I grabbed this picture:

I held it in my hand on the way to court.  It is one of my favorite pictures of you and me.  We had so much fun on this vacation. 

While we were driving to the courthouse the sayings of Jesus,  "I tell you to forgive 70x7" kept running around in my head.  I asked Mema for a pen and wrote on the back of the picture this quote.  I then asked Daddy for his phone because I wanted to find in the Bible where it was exactly.  Upon not finding its exact location, I came across Ephesians 4:32 " Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." I wrote that on the back of the picture and something else.

When we arrived at court, Daddy went upstairs to find out which courtroom we were supposed to go to.  While he was gone I saw "the Kid" and his defense attorney.  There was a pull to go over to them.  I handed the attorney the picture and asked if he could give this to "The Kid" and then walked away. We at this point are not supposed to be talking to each other.  

I pray for this boy and his family because I can only imagine what it must feel like to know that your careless actions caused a death of a little girl.  My heart breaks for him too. I'm glad I gave him the picture but I still cried later because I miss you.  I wish I didn't have to give him the picture at all because you would be here snuggling with me and Daddy.

I am okay now with everything going to trial.  It will be after Daddy's heart surgery.  I love you Faithie and still wish you were here.

Love you ALWAYS and FOREVER,
Love,
Momma